Finding “ME” Time When You’re A Mum
There are different stages to being a Mum. There are those precious early moments when you bring that bundle of joy home and you want to spend every second snuggling and smelling their little baby smell.
Then there are the moments when you can’t seem to keep them down as they find their feet and freedom and become mobile.
Fast forward to the teen years, when they are too cool to be hugged at the school drop-off.
In between there are milestones, birthdays, sports days, driving lessons, Halloween costumes, first dates, new friends, first jobs and if you’re a Mum, you have experienced a part of this along with your kids. Let’s face it, as Mums we become part-time managers, PAs, chauffeurs, driving instructors, councillors - the list goes on! Amidst all this and everything else in our private lives, we somehow need to remember to self-care and prioritise our well-being. You can’t pour from an empty cup after all.
When my kids were younger, this was a struggle! I was married at the time but I can tell you - I was a “single” married Mum who had very little help at home. At one stage I had three kids 3 and under and life was hectic! It’s those younger years that are the most challenging and carving time out for yourself becomes tricky. It’s not easy, but it can be done and as your kids grow, you will gain more time back to pour some self care into your cup.
So, how do you do it? How do you find ME time as a Mum? I have compiled a list below from my own experiences as well as talking to other Mums. Some points may apply to you, some may not. We are all different, we all have different circumstances and different resources available to us so I hope that at least one point resonates with you!
Wake Up Before Your Kids
If you’re able to. Set your alarm for 5am or 5:30. You’re probably thinking - Ughh, that’s way too early, but hear me out! It will be hard at first if you are not used to it, but your body is amazing and it will soon adjust to a new routine. Waking at this time is so peaceful! The house is quite, everyone is asleep which means total bliss for you before your day starts! I like to wake up early, make a cup of coffee and sit in solitude before the school run begins. It allows me to check my emails, meditate, read a book, do some writing, or work on some projects before turning on my laptop to work from home and waking the kids up to make lunches and do the school run. The earlier I set the alarm, the more time I get to myself. My body clock has adjusted and I can wake up early without the urge to get back under the covers - this is slightly harder in winter but I wouldn’t go without this time in the morning so to me, it is worth it!
2. Use Nap Time for Me Time
This one can be controversial. They tell you, specially in the early days to nap when the baby naps but you sit there and scratch your head thinking, well when am I going to do anything else then? As a Mum, when the baby naps, you tend to do the cleaning, washing and other housework that needs to be done. Plus, you may have little ones running around that aren’t keen for nap time. The best way to tackle this in my experience with 4 kids is …………..Take the nap if you can but don’t feel you HAVE to. You may need things to get done but it’s important to rest also. You may want to timeblock here to help you get started so, if you know your baby will sleep for 45 minutes. Timeblock so you spend 15 minutes washing up, sweeping or any other chore you can fit in that time then purposely allow yourself 30 minutes to do something for yourself. This could be reading, scrolling your fave social media, facetiming a friend or relative, journaling - whatever your jam is. You may think 30 minutes is not enough, but taking the time is far more valuable and helpful to you than NOT taking it. If you get longer nappers that’s great! This means more time for you to recharge by doing an activity that resonates with you. If you have little ones that don’t nap you could Time-block for them also so they have a “down” time. This could be movie time or time on the Ipad or your little one has a toy or book that really engrosses them and you know you can get 30 minutes in there to steal some time for yourself. It’s a pretty good habit to get your kids used to. They will soon understand that Mummy is having “Me” time and they will learn to respect that boundary. Trust me, this will become important later in life so it’s never too early to be teaching your kids good habits.
3. Get Your Kids Involved
Imagine meeting someone who liked the things you liked, enjoyed the same hobbies and wanted to spend time with you doing these things…….now imagine if this was your child. Your kids are the perfect partners in crime. They love you unconditionally, want to be by your side and they are so eager to learn and experience life with you! Whatever your jam is, try getting your kids in on the action.
You could be a paper crafter who likes to scrapbook and make cards. maybe you are into making videos for your TikTok account. Are you an artist or do you love nothing more than baking cupcakes and experimenting with new flavours and frostings? Try adding some time with your child during the day to do the activity you enjoy together. Imagine the satisfaction of sharing this experience with your mini-me! They may even grow to love this themselves and you would have a partner in crime for life!
4. Make solid night time routines
With so many kids, routines were crucial for me but none more important than the night time routine. We had it down pat. My kids could watch a movie at 5 pm (It was Shrek for about a year ) I used this time to cook dinner and tidy up. After dinner, it was a quick playtime before bath time, reading books, puzzles and quiet activities then a staggered bedtime for each child based on their age. I set bedtimes and made sure it was lights out by 7:30. This changed as the kids got bigger, but what didn’t was the routine. After lights out it was a quick tidy up and clean of what needed to be cleaned then I would allocate time to do something for me. Sometimes, I would get 2 or 3 hours to depending on what time I went to bed but this would have been impossible if I didn’t have solid routines for my kids.
5. Join A Parent Group
Parent groups can be an absolute goldmine if you find the right one. If you don’t have an extended Family, they can be the doorway to broadening your circle, making new friends and opening up a sense of community and belonging. parent Groups are often run for free but may often incur a fee if you are partaking in a specific activity. You can find a lot of parent groups online and just a quick Google search can reveal any local to your area. You will more likely find people who are going through the same experiences as you or they have been there before so you will be connecting with people who resonate with you, get you and can relate to many circumstances. Your children will also explore new friendships, discover new experiences and learn to socialise in a relaxed environment. The benefit to this is that you will be giving your social muscles a workout, having adult conversations, building rapport with new people and boosting your confidence. I think that’s a pretty good investment in yourself!
So there you have it. My list of how you can achieve some healthy and sustainable “ME” time when you’re a Mum. While everyone’s situation is different, we are all experiencing the rollercoaster that is Motherhood. Sometimes it’s a coast uphill and others it’s a wild ride to the bottom! Somewhere in between, you must remember to breathe, pour some love and attention into your cup and be kind to yourself. It’s a long ride after all.
Thanks for reading and be kind to yourselves.
Monica
xx